i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We need to get me chipped asap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
