You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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