You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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