does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
