I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
