Kiss
Puke
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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