nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
