He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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