K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
