If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found puke in my bra..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
