I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
