at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
