idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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