so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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