I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
