I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
