As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
