Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
