Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His nipple licking is glorious
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