I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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