It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
FUCK WHALES
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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