yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
