i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
