Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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