At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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