The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
