my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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