I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This beer is not sobering me up at all
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
