I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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