I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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