got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
