Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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