Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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