Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
