Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
