The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
