Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
