Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
