I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
