...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
