I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
