paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
