from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
