K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
