I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
