drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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