white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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