After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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