I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
