Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
