well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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