Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
