Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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