Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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