haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
