He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will pee on everything he values.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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