is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
