the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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