Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
