He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
