worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
