It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
