During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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