Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The uberlube is also flammable
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
