Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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