Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
