I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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