Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
