did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
