I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
